Over thirty years ago, I experienced a moment of spontaneous awareness.
In that moment, I became instantly aware of new possibilities outside of my belief structure, new possibilities so overwhelming, so meaningful; I had no words to describe the experience.
At the time it happened, I wasnít following a religion, or a dogma. I had dozed off, sitting in a chair and in a moment, I was able to stop seeing the world from my old belief structure.I experienced a glimpse of life in a way of true authenticity.It felt as if I was completely yanked out of everything that ever existed, out of every single thought I have ever had or experienced.It was a moment of purity with no beliefs whatsoever.It felt as if I could see beyond existence, beyond anything I had ever thought, felt or believed.When it happened, I had no teacher, no religion and no preparation for the experience.
When I came back into my conscious mind, the only way I could describe my experience is in the simple concept; I no longer carried the burden of needing to push my beliefs onto the world.I was able to accept life as it was. I was in love for no reason at all.In that moment, I began loving myself in a way that did not involve anyone or anything else.I did not have to receive something or value something in order to be in love.
What I understood then, was something difficult to capture in words, difficult to describe at the time.The experience showed me there is something else possible in life, something other than what I had been taught to believe.All of the beliefs I had put my faith into no longer had meaning.Every belief I had held about who I was, about myself in the world and what I had to do in order to receive love, to share love no longer existed.This experience had never happened to me before.With no words to define to my experience and no frame of reference, I had no way to make it concrete.I did not know what mechanism I needed to hold me there.It left me with a longing to return to it, to bring it into the existence of my life.Even though I had no way to live it, it changed the path of my life.
After it happened, it didnít seem as if there was anyone in my life with whom I could share what had happened, so I kept it to myself.But even in silence, it changed my life by changing my meaning of my life.I suddenly became aware that everything I had thought was so important was now no big deal.Three months later, while talking to a friend of mine, I mentioned I had experienced something which changed my life.He said, yes we have all been talking about it, we are all aware of it.Their awareness was a validation of the magnitude of my experience.After that conversation, it seemed more important to hold and live the experience than talk about it.I didnít speak about it to anyone else for about 15 years. For the first time in my life I was able to let go of all the things I had believed before, changing, what I was, who I was and how I was in the world.
Although this was the beginning of my transformation, without anyone to guide or support my sense of clarity, over time, I gradually resumed my old beliefs and became lost once more.
It took many years before I found others, who would help me to re-experience the truth of that moment long ago.I was fortunate to find teachers who provided tools and time for me to discover within myself how to experience life authentically.They held my faith, until I could hold it for myself.
In my workshops and in private sessions, this my invitation to you.
Please join us on the 2nd & 4th Mondays each month from 6:00-8:00